Oh, my aching back...

I go hot and cold on the blogging.

But this last cold spell has really been because I have been plagued with a terrible back problem.

It has really been a game changer for me.

Back in the early spring - I was experiencing twinges of pains here and there in my left hip - but they came quickly and soon went away..

Sadly - they started to come more often and really be a problem.

As I entered May - the pain was now constant and shooting down my leg.

I knew the pain was bad and I had a serious problem the moment I knew I needed a doctor.

I hate doctors. I hate needles. I hate, hate, hate.

First, I self diagnosed myself with sciatica. I'm a huge fan of self diagnosis and hypochondria

Second, I went to see a chiropractor - huge mistake - this actually deserves a post on it's own.

Third, when the pain was so bad I couldn't see straight, was dizzy and about to pass out - I went to the ER. they took a bizarro xray of my pelvis twice and gave me a shot in the ass....clearly not taking interest in my sciatica diagnosis - the crackpot doc on duty thought I must have fused pelvic joints?! wtf?!

The ER ended up referring me to an orthopedic doctor - who ultimately sent me for an MRI and then to a physical therapist and a pain management doctor.

It turns out - I have a herniation of the disk in the L4 L5 - apparently its not bulging too much and it is not all the way out or burst - that is supposedly good news.

The bad news is - days away from October - I am still fairly miserable.

Physical therapy is and was great - I do my exercises diligently and it gives me relief. Apparently I am also strenghtening my core so that when my disk decides to slip back into place - I won't have future problems.

The pain management doctors gave me 3 epidural steroid injections. I had to be knocked out for these. I didn't like them. I wanted a miracle and they did not provide it.

The pain doctor wants me to get another one - but I am convinced the steroids made me feel weird, and I didn't get total relief - so why should I let you bill my insurance company another $8000 for another shot?

Just give me pills.

But, I kind of hate popping pills too. I don't think they really work - and the ones that do, make me pass out so if the pain is gone, I don't even get to enjoy being pain free and awake.

I am passed out and drooling.

Not attractive.

I now have deep sympathy and empathy for those that suffer chronic pain. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I don't remember my back and leg feeling good anymore. I just feel pain, aches and tingles all the time. I can't sit for more than 30 minutes. I can't do the things I used to do. It sucks.

I have been told over and over that the healing process is long and bumpy - but somehow it doesn't make it any better.

But I will soldier on - one small pitiful shuffle at a time.