American Beauty

And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Sometimes, there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in. ~American Beauty

I remember how much I loved that movie in 1999.

That particular line has been running in my head since I received some of the most beautiful gifts this Christmas.

Charles made me the most beautiful book of photographs. They are images that take your breath away - and images that are close to my heart.

All of the photographs speak to me in some way - and the inscription in the back says, "In putting this together I realized how lucky I am to have seen such beauty. I think I'll make the theme of the book ~ seek out beauty and when you find it, share it."

Thanks Charles for sharing the beauty and reminding us that it is all around us. I am so lucky to have you!

I wrote earlier that this was the year of the simple Christmas. It turned out to be just what I needed. Simple gifts, simple pleasures and the joy of being around those I love. Gifts like the one Charles gave me, fill me with so much happiness. I realize how lucky I really am. I have wonderful people in my life. And I realize I don't often recognize them.

Keeping a blog has made me feel like a bit of a narcissist.

It is an ongoing dialogue with yourself. And while I like to think it is reflective, it is most often just full of complaining and my own views on how the world should react to me and how I react to the world.

I talk so much about myself, but I don't really look at myself.

On Christmas Eve, a woman who has known me since I was 12, came up to me, held my face in her hands and told me how beautiful I was.

I nearly fell over. Here is a person that sees me at least a few times a year. Never had she done this before.

But she paid me the best compliment and gave me the best gift I could have gotten.

She told me she could see how I was really and truly becoming the woman I was supposed to be. And that I was glowing. Glowing in my own beauty and who I was.

Comfortable in my own skin.

I was overcome by what she said to me. I have never considered myself to be beautiful or pretty. Just an average girl/woman.

The kind of girl/woman nobody really noticed. Not even the people that saw me every day.

I recalled painting the picture above in college. At the time - another woman came up to me and told me the painting was my self portrait. She said the woman I would become was in that painting.

I couldn't imagine myself as that woman - but what a nice thought. Oh to be beautiful and bold. Confident and able to turn heads.

It only took another 18 years. But I think both women were right. There was the woman I was longing to become - and now here I am. I'm her.

And there is a beauty in that.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

I didn't achieve holiday perfection....but am basking in holiday glow nonetheless.

Love to all - and God Bless Us Everyone.

It has come down to this.

If I had a cleaning lady or cleaning person......I would not have as much stress in my life.

I don't know why I can't win this battle and have somebody be able to come in and clean up after me.

My own Mother will tell you, I have needed help in this area my whole life.

Horrid Sister Teresa dumped my desk over in front of the whole first grade class to show what a slob I was.

My holidays would be merry and bright with somebody to clean my bathroom and run the vaccum cleaner occasionally.

If somebody would come and pick up my clothes, I'd die in a rapture.

A few days or weeks ago I did solicit volunteers to fund my move to Manhatten - this housecleaning fund is also up for grabs if you don't know what to get me for Christmas.

Since my last post I managed to kind of, sort of get most stuff done. I still have more to do - but decided to not be frantic about it. I mean really? What is the point. I have had about 3 hours of sleep each night the last week and have bags under my eyes. In order to look at least halfway normal - I need to cut my losses and deal with not being perfect.

I am determined to enjoy the tree, smell the lovely Windsor Forest wafting thru the air and snuggle up to watch my Chrismas movies.

I still have shopping and wrapping to do.

I still have to finish knitting a whole scarf before Friday.

I still need to determine which salads I am contributing to the Feast on Christmas Eve.

But it will get done. It always does.

I must be more relaxed because of the sheer joy I had this week in watching my Capitals make a comeback.

Finally!

I had faith in my boys.

And in case you are not aware - tune into HBO for 24/7 to watch the Caps on the road to the Winter Classic. Who cares about that other damn team.

(I can't even type their retched name here - ugh)

I will admit - that the first show had my boys down and out - but the 35 seconds of Mike Green without his shirt on was heaven.

If Mike Green stood in front of me without a shirt on - another rapture. I'm just saying.

Don't Throw Me Down Clark

Something is terribly wrong.

I am behind yet again.

Not a single Christmas Card written.

Not a single Christmas gift purchased.

I have not even finished decorating the tree.

I think I will be home on Saturday. Perhaps a miracle will happen and I will get it together.

What in the world happened to me?!?

I normally embrace the season starting November 1. But it turns out it is December 8th and I have lots of catching up to do.

Let's make a list shall we?

• fill out christmas cards


• address christmas cards


• get stamps


• get to the post office


• buy gifts for at least the people I will see face to face.


• finish decorating the tree - try not to have a bad attitude while doing it


• watch all of my favorite Christmas movies - up to and including: It's A Wonderful Life, Miracle on 34th Street, Christmas Vacation, Elf, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, A Christmas Carol - the one from the 30's and The Godfather. Yes, The Godfather is a Christmas movie.


• buy my Panetonne for Christmas Morning French Toast

ok, its not that bad.....i will end the dramatic moment.

I will call this year The Year of the Simple Christmas.

There are some moments to celebrate in early December:

My new haircolor is getting rave reviews.

I found the best new eye make up - smoky eyes are my new passion.

I am loving my new black boots. They are super sassy.

Project Ass Reduction is working so well my pants are falling off. While this does pose some problems - it is the ultimate goal.

I am learning new things every single day in my new job.

Lip swirls and lip butters......mmmmmmmmm

Spending time in NYC this December has been a highlight. I still want to move to Manhatten - but I am too poor. If anyone wants to sponsor my move there, please let me know.

I finally bought a warm coat and it has the softest pockets when you put your hands in them!