American Beauty

And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Sometimes, there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in. ~American Beauty

I remember how much I loved that movie in 1999.

That particular line has been running in my head since I received some of the most beautiful gifts this Christmas.

Charles made me the most beautiful book of photographs. They are images that take your breath away - and images that are close to my heart.

All of the photographs speak to me in some way - and the inscription in the back says, "In putting this together I realized how lucky I am to have seen such beauty. I think I'll make the theme of the book ~ seek out beauty and when you find it, share it."

Thanks Charles for sharing the beauty and reminding us that it is all around us. I am so lucky to have you!

I wrote earlier that this was the year of the simple Christmas. It turned out to be just what I needed. Simple gifts, simple pleasures and the joy of being around those I love. Gifts like the one Charles gave me, fill me with so much happiness. I realize how lucky I really am. I have wonderful people in my life. And I realize I don't often recognize them.

Keeping a blog has made me feel like a bit of a narcissist.

It is an ongoing dialogue with yourself. And while I like to think it is reflective, it is most often just full of complaining and my own views on how the world should react to me and how I react to the world.

I talk so much about myself, but I don't really look at myself.

On Christmas Eve, a woman who has known me since I was 12, came up to me, held my face in her hands and told me how beautiful I was.

I nearly fell over. Here is a person that sees me at least a few times a year. Never had she done this before.

But she paid me the best compliment and gave me the best gift I could have gotten.

She told me she could see how I was really and truly becoming the woman I was supposed to be. And that I was glowing. Glowing in my own beauty and who I was.

Comfortable in my own skin.

I was overcome by what she said to me. I have never considered myself to be beautiful or pretty. Just an average girl/woman.

The kind of girl/woman nobody really noticed. Not even the people that saw me every day.

I recalled painting the picture above in college. At the time - another woman came up to me and told me the painting was my self portrait. She said the woman I would become was in that painting.

I couldn't imagine myself as that woman - but what a nice thought. Oh to be beautiful and bold. Confident and able to turn heads.

It only took another 18 years. But I think both women were right. There was the woman I was longing to become - and now here I am. I'm her.

And there is a beauty in that.