Nightmare in seats 6C and 6F

I may be a bit ornery right now - I admit it ok.
It's times like these that I find it necessary to give a gentle reminder to airline passengers.
Make it easier on all of us by following the below guidelines.

• Take your shoes off, and your belt, and empty your pockets. No really, take everything out. This is not a new procedure.


• The liquids need to come out too - in a ziploc, in a separate bin. also not a new initiative.


• Follow the rules for the body scanner - see the image in front of you that tells you how to spread your legs and raise your arms - follow the stick figure and move on.


• When you are in zone 6 for boarding, sit your ass down until at least zone 5 is done boarding. Don't block the way. Move. The plane won't leave until we are all on board. I promise.


• When they tell you to not put small bags and coats in the overhead - listen to them. To the jerk who shoved his enormous overcoat in the bin as I had my bag lifted over my head to place it there - I hate you. Next time I will pull your coat out, throw it on the ground and step on it. You were lucky I was in a good mood today.


• When the man is sleeping in seat 6D - don't reach over him to keep tapping on your pal in 6F. Shut up, keep your hands to yourself and let the man sleep.


• When you have to stand up and go to the bathroom - don't use the seat in front of you like a fixed rope helping you up to the summit of Everest. Stand up like a normal person - do you grab onto things at home to hoist yourself up? I think not. If you were old or handicapped - ok, but when you are young and fit - cut it out.


• Do you really need to ask what drinks are available? Its in the airline magazine in front of you.


• When we land - send a text. We don't need to hear you announce to the world that you just landed. No shit. We just landed too. Shut up.


• Businessmen of the world - remember courtesy? How about not stampeding over us to bum rush the door? I'm just saying.