My life since December 17th

Whoa - what a whirlwind since the Crackberry Nosepicker incident. I will sum up in quick bullets.
12/18 - store visits (this term equals me running from store to store with carloads of product to replenish each store I visit. Robbing Peter to pay Paul)
12/19 - store visits
12/20 - store visit. I did wear antlers on this day to keep the Scrooges cheery.
12/21 - church, grocery store, gift wrapping, dropped gifts off, picked up butter for my aunt, got invited to the Redskins game by two random strangers in the grocery store because I was wearing my Cooley jersey, came home and made my Ciopinno for the mass crowd on Christmas Eve.
12/22 - store visits
12/23 - store visits, came home to family just in from California and New Jersey - went out to eat, came home and made egg thing for the next morning - prepared for my work day until about 1am.
12/24 - office day at home, lots of conference calls, in between I served breakfast and entertained my guests...sent mom, sis and grandfather to the grocery store for the ingredients for my salads and to pick up the fish to pop in my ciopinno. Frantically realized at 2pm that the day was half gone and I still had on pajamas. Made 2 salads - one orange and fennel and one pomegranate and arugula - frantic shower, threw on outfit - drove with food to aunt's house, requested cocktail the moment I walked in the door. The rest of the night was a blur. I cooked, I ate, drank and made merry. Went to midnight mass....in bed 3am.
12/25 - woke and made Panetonne French Toast - it came out yummy....openend presents...squealed over my new Wii. Dressed, went to Christmas Dinner - another blur of a day...
12/26 - worked and was bitter about it. Ate pizza for dinner and then played Wii until 2am. Did manage to shatter a christmas ornament off my tree when going for my best "serena williams backhand" yikes.
12/27 - sad, family left. I did pass out on the couch about 23 minutes after they left. Woke to eat chinease food at 7pm. Passed out again watching "Love in the time of Cholera" What the hell was that movie about?!?!?!?
12/28 - slept really late, missed church, felt guilt for like 2 seconds. Made a yummy breakfast passed out on the couch again....do we see a pattern here? Managed to drag myself off the couch and went to grocery store. Ate dinner, decided to try one more time to watch "Love in the time of Cholera" I managed to not pass out this time - but I still don't get it. Why did he tell her he was a virgin? Why did she marry Benjamin Bratt? Who decided John Leguizamo was right for that part? I think I can't look at Javier Bardem without seeing his Dutch boy haircut, even when he doesn't have a dutch boy haircut. Did they stay on that boat forever? WTF?!
12/29 - worked and was bitter about it.
12/30 - worked, not so bitter today....mainly happy because I was invited to a hockey game on New Years Day and I only have to work a 1/2 day tomorrow!!! Can't wait to pass out on the couch again.

Gross Crackberry Nose Picker

This is really to rich.
I was flying home this evening.
At the appointed time, the flight attendants told everyone to please turn off all electronic devices and cell phones.
Apparently the Crackberry addict next to me did not think this applied to her.
2 different attendants came by and told her to turn it off.
"oh, ok" she said. Then she would pretend to turn it off and place it face down in the middle seat between us. Then she would pick it up and start all over again.
I finally lost it.
Do the rules not apply to everyone?
I said, "excuse me, are you negotiating middle east peace talks? No? then how about turning it off. You don't look that important"
She smiled smuggly at me and said nothing.
Then continued to leave it on and text message.
I said, "you may not value your life, but I do value mine. And my life is hardly worth your unimportant emailing. Turn it off."
She placed it down again - and I said, "am I going to have to turn that off for you? Or shall I call the flight attendant?"
She finally turned it off, and I made her show me it was turned off.
Finally, I closed my eyes for a nice little nap on the ride home....I opened them to find the woman picking her nose!!!!!!!! Ugh!
I asked her if I could provide her a tissue or was she going to wipe it on the seat? My goodness. How gross.
Needless to say. We were not best friends on the flight.
Is it a wonder I don't touch anything on an airplane?

ciopinno for 23

I have to figure out how I will prepare this and transport it.

I am thinking of 5x the normal recipe - that would feed 20 - but it is also just one part of a total meal.

So maybe just 3x the normal recipe.

hhhhmmmmmmm.....decisions, decisions.

I am also thinking of forgoing the normal Christmas morning 'egg thing' in favor of Panetonne French Toast...decisions, decisions.

I need some quiet time to think this crap through.

Top That!

Each morning - my day begins with a series of rituals.

Wake.

Shower.

Decide what to wear.

Blow Dry hair.

Dress.

Make-up.

Eat breakfast...(sometimes I eat after shower and before what to wear)

Leave for work.

Commence morning bitchfest.

As some of you know, when I leave for work in the morning....I never go to the same place everyday. Some days I stumble simply into my home office. Some days I make a mad dash for the airport. Some days I drive 15 minutes or 4 1/2 hours.

But no matter where I go or how long it takes me, my morning buddies call me or I call them and we complain, laugh, scheme, conspiracize about the day ahead. I can count on at least 3 people for this every morning.

Today, I was leaving on one of the 4 1/2 hour drives. I left at 5:45am. Because of the early morning hour, I knew it would be a few hours before the buddy calls came pouring in...so I turned up the Sirius in the rental car and belted out the latest tunes in the pitch black dark roads of South Carolina.

At about 7:00 am dawn started to break....I was making great time, I was planning my day, I was loving the new Miley Cyrus song....(i know, i should not admit that out loud).....at 7:15 a horrible sound exploded around me....I looked in the rearview mirror to see chunks of black things scattering on the road....and suddenly lost control of the steering. I panicked for a split second but then brought it back to center.....and pulled off to the side of the road....all the while hearing the scraping of metal.

I got out of the car and discovered that the tire had blown up. It was 7:15, in the middle of nowhere, cold and now I had an exploded tire, possibly a van out of alignment, 185 more miles to go and my pants and suede shoes were wet and muddy from the ditch I was in.

Nice.

Roadside assistance from the rental car company. Not helpful. It took the woman for flippin ever to pull up my info. How is it that I am a frequent renter with this company, have a contract and contract # and they have no record of me?

"please hold while I get Chrysler on the line"

"why do we need to call Chrysler? get me a tire!"

"maam, that is a new car, it only has 6000 miles on it...this should not have happened"

Technically, my problem was not covered.

Technically, even if it was, I was in the middle of nowhere and the nearest tow company was not open until 8:30.

"So basically, I sit here on the roadside and wait?"

"yes, maam"

So, I waited. And now the phone calls began.

My normal morning peeps. All of them seemed to want to talk about how awful their morning was.

Oh really?

Are you sitting in a muddy ditch in South Carolina?

Did your life pass before your eyes as your car tire exploded and you went careening to one side?

Have you panic cried and ruined your eye makeup?

I don't think so! Top that for a poopy morning!

I won.

Of all the 5 morning people phone calls, I had the most miserable story to tell.

Victory!

But, in conclusion...the nicest tow truck driver in all of South Carolina came and helped me.

I had to drive the remaining 185 miles on a donut at 55mph with my hazards on.

Good times.

And the rental counter comped the cost and apologized profusely.....I mean sheesh, get a look at that tire!

Not such a bad day after all.

Virtuous vs. Vicious

This has been stewing in my brain for a week. I went to mass on Sunday and the sermon was about how we need to be repentent during Advent.

What?! Had Father lost his mind? Isn't Christmas about peace, love, joy, cocktails, celebrations, yummy food, cocktails? Being repentent is for Lent. It is hard enough for 40 days to give up Starbucks and Pasta. This is the holiday season....Starbucks has cranberry bliss bars and drinks called Espresso Truffle! If you tell me to be repentent, I tend to think I can't enjoy love, cocktails, celebrations, yummy food and cocktails. This concept of repentence nearly stopped me in my tracks! It was hard to pay attention.

Then, he said it was our choice to be virtuous or vicious. Listening to him, I realized I err on the side of being vicious. Don't you love how 'vice' vs. 'virtue' = vicious vs. virtuous?!?! Nothing like a good dose of guilt on Sunday.

Apparently, instead of being full of lust, I have to be chaste. Instead of being a glutton, I need to show moderation or fast completely. Instead of being proud, I need to be humble. Of course, I sat there thinking I am lustful, a glutton and a mean bitch. Great. Merry Christmas to me.

How did I get to this point in my life, and I have never heard this kind of thing around the holidays. Yea yea, usually the priests gripe about our obsession with Santa Claus, gift giving, pagan ritual and boycotting places that say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas...But this?!?! To call me vicious?

Ironically, I am reading a book right now that is a collection of Christmas stories, essays, etc...and last night read part of a sermon made by Cotton Mather in 1712 ~ he was having a fit about drunk people and gambling.....complaining about how it was denegrading the birth of Christ. Of course, I think he had a little something to do with the Salem witch trials too...(no doubt fun loving lustful, gluttoness bitches like myself) Get over it Cotton. Let the people have a little fun.

I'm over it, call me vicious all you want. I am going to whoop it up....isn't that what confession is all about?

A random recap.....be prepared to be confused.

In the course of the past week, I have had so much to say...but not a moment to sit down and say it.
Now that I have a moment, I am too tired and just want to go to bed.

I was away from home this week, some weeks away from home are just brutally exhausting.
I feel like a wimp for saying that...but it is true.
The air in the hotel was dry and icky....my lips are cracked, I feel like I need to slather myself in moisturizer to make up for it.
I had a terrible time sleeping well....and I think that was because it was eerily quiet. Isn't that bizarre? Apparently I need background noise to sleep well. The slumping economy means not as many people traveling....and I know they put me in the last room down the hall on the 4th floor with no other people. In the morning I would come out and be the only door with a newspaper in front.
Creepy.
Now that I think about it, I must have been restless because I secretly knew I was alone and far, far away from any form of help at the front desk! And my blackberry went dead because I forgot my charger! At least I know the number to 911 in case an axe murder was coming to get me.

Thanksgiving was good. Not great. Good.
That seems to be a common theme with those I have spoken to. Here is why I am pissed.
My turkey sucked. I did not have total control of my turkey....and because I was not in total control, I feel the quality was not there. My friend Kyle offered to clean the turkey and then season it with my prepared herb butter. I was cringing watching him do it. He did not clean it the way I clean it....he did not pat the skin dry...he was haphazard in rubbing the butter under the skin...finally, I couldn't take it anymore and shoved him out of the way and took over. But it was too late....never again will I relinquish turkey control. When I ate it...ugh. The upside is, 2 days later the turkey rocked. Maybe because I entered the kitchen at 7am and left it at 10:30pm when the last dish was cleaned is why I thought my turkey sucked. That and the fact that I did not have total turkey control. I am bossy. I am mean. I like to be left alone in my kitchen. Get the hell out.

That night, I went to bed at about 10:31pm...I was pooped and had to be to work early, and drop Kyle off at the metro even earlier. I woke up at 11:30, 12, 12:24, 2:30, 3:30 and 5:00 - each time I contemplated calling my poor outlet managers that had to open at midnight. I was feeling guilt for not working that shift with one of them. But I resisted. At 5:15 I called my closest outlet to see how the night went....it went well. Thousands of dollars. and more thousands. I was happily optimistic for about 2 seconds that the Black Friday would be good, I would make my numbers and not be fired for being the worst DM ever. Then I called my other 2 outlets...they tanked. Retail is a brutal world, but I decided to put my best foot forward. I arrived early at my highest volume store, antlers in hand. We were going to have fun dammit.
We did have fun, the customers were annoying, they wanted the world for under $5 and I was frustrated. Let's not create deflation....let's not force retailers to discount even more please. This is my own grown up Christmas wish.
I came home pooped.
Ate chinese food and passed out on the couch watching Elf.

The tree is up, the lights are up, and I managed to buy a handful of gifts.
Then I left for a few days, now I am home, then I leave again.