Erotomania and Spanish Swear Words

God knows where this post is going to go.

But 2 things have been on my mind this week - so clearly they are screaming out for me to comment on in some public forum.

1. I am obsessed with why or how women can let themselves be so delusional about love.

2. I am obsessed with my new habit of swearing in Spanish.

So let's begin.

I know this woman. She is by all accounts a normal person - late 30's, able to see most things for what they are.

Yet, she is in the worst relationship I have ever witnessed.

She is actually under the delusion that the man she is with loves her and wants to marry her.

From what I gather - here are the facts of the relationship

1. dating or 'seeing' each other for 10 years (mainly for the booty call)


2. she has never actually been to his home


3. he has never actually been to her home


4. claims to have a job that takes him 'out of the country often' (i call that a wife at home)


5. promises the world and delivers nothing

Promises have included:

1. we are going on vacation next week


2. I am taking you away for the weekend


3. I am building us a house to live in


4. we are getting married!

This is what happens instead:

1. I have to go to Pakistan next week after all


2. He stops all contact with her and calls her the following Tuesday


3. You'll never believe it, they put in the wrong color floor tile, so I told them I wanted a refund on the house


4. He stops all contact with her and calls her the following Tuesday, it turns out he had to go to Pakistan again.

After 10 years of the same bull - how can this woman not wake up? Are you that down on yourself? Is your self esteem that bad?

The worst is the wedding thing. In the last 2 years, he has promised to take her to Hawaii for a get away wedding.

The first time, he printed some BS off the internet and gave it to her.

He cancelled.

A few months later, he told her he couldn't stand her and only saw her for the sex.

A few weeks later, he called her, got his booty call and then gave her a ring.

A ring that in my opinion looked bogus.

He asked for it back to have it sized (i think it went back in his wifes jewelry box)

She goes out, buys a gown, has it altered, buys all the crap that goes with it and packs her bags for Hawaii again. Keep in mind, she never sees a ticket or any confirmation that a trip is happening.

True to form, the jerk stops all contact with her and never shows up. No calls, no texts, no nothing.

And she continues to believe there is a reasonable explanation. She just doesn't get it. I get it, why doesn't she? Even at my most pitiful, I don't think I could ever let anyone be that cruel to me. When I googled 'delusion in love' the word Erotomania came up.

That is totally her. I love that there is a word for it. He may not be a celebrity - but anyone that is that disinterested in you should count.

In retrospect, as stupid as I have been in the past with my own delusions of love and relationships - I do feel grateful that I never took a nose dive like that. Yikes.

Pendejo!

Cabron!

Hijo de la madre chingada!

Sangrones!

Ok, I feel better now. I love the Biography on Frida Kahlo that I am currently reading. And now that I have new swear words to use - I am feeling even more international.

Keeping Calm, Cool and Collected......

Have you ever seen the book of questions?

It is an awesome book that ask hard and profound questions that are supposed to make you think, spur good conversation and basically make you question your ethics.

The other day, my sister read one of the questions to me out loud.

"If you could live for one year in any time period, when would it be."

I immediately responded, "well, it would have to be a period when air conditioning was around".

We both cracked up laughing because that has been my obsession this year.

How did people live without air conditioning?

Of course I realize I am being shallow and not environmentally conscious with my love of ac.

But as with most modern conveniences, I can't imagine life without it.

Admittedly, this year has been odd for weather......super arctic winter followed by super heat summer. (did I mention it is 105 in Northern VA today?)

Follow that up with my reading mostly biographies this summer and it spurned my wonderment at living in the 16th, 17th, 18th, 19th even 20th century without cool air.

Poor Sally Hemmings. She had to be a slave and give birth to Thomas Jefferson's kids.....all the while living in Monticello with no ac and having to dress in corsets and wool.

It is flippin hot. Even when they were in Paris for two years, the one summer was the warmest on record. It had to be ripe.

You know that TJ was not smelling good with his wigs and wool ensembles either.

Poor Abigail Adams. She had to put up with raising all her kids with a war raging at the front door while John was in Philadelphia. The poor lady didn't even have pins to pin her dress up! I know.....at least John and his funky wig was in Philadelphia - but still.

Poor Frida Kahlo. She had no AC when she miscarried her baby in DETROIT in JULY. And she had to come home to Diego Rivera. All funky with sweat and covered in paint. Yes she was a tortured soul, lots of tragedy in her life, yada yada......but I am just guessing that a bit of ac would have at least given the poor woman some pleasure.

I don't know how the millions of people on the planet do it still.

I have great appreciation for those who must go without and much gratitude that I am not one of them.

If you need to find me this weekend, I will be sitting in a cool dark room with a good book.

Pasty with Pringles Poolside

Whoa!

Where has the summer gone?

I have been full of bad attitude and swimming in family togetherness (both forced and welcomed) - but did take some time to indulge in some nice summer moments so far.

I know we still have August - but August tends to be a blur. When you are a kid August is the crap month because school is starting - as a grown up, it's crap for me because there is not one single national holiday and I usually have to do inventory somewhere.

Doing inventory is like being in math class for me. Math anxiety and OCD that make me recount everything 7 times.

Anyway.....I am happy to report that I actually managed to spend some time in the sun relaxing. Instead of my normal paste colored white, I am now more porcelain. But for me, that's a tan baby!

I rediscoved the joy of the swimming pool this summer.

It has definately helped me to re-charge and relax.

I also rediscovered the joy of a tin of Pringles.

There is nothing like sun warmed Pringles munched by the pool.

Yum.

I had a childhood regression as I recalled my Dad picking me up from KinderCare and taking me to Virginia Beach. I believe we ate cold fried chicken and pringles.

What the hell are Pringles anyway?

is that even a potato?

To me they are like the perfect chip.

They are never broken and never greasy.

Just goodness in a can. For $1.49 how can you go wrong?

Awesome.

Old Time Family Togetherness

Last week was tough. It was tough because it was full on family time.
Last week, as a family, we had to confront some tough issues with my Grandfather's recent Alzheimer's diagnosis. I'd be lying if I said it went well.
That side of the family (mom's) is not so good at the communicating and caring and sharing aspect of togetherness.

For the first time I found myself truly frustrated with how the family unit works on that side.
Dr. Phil, we need you!

Luckily, we were able to escape briefly.....since my Dad was in town, my sister and I asked him to take us on a tour of "New Village".....the little borough in NJ he grew up in.
I thought it would be a great way to step away from the tension that was ever present in the house with my Mom's family.

Dad, Sis and I set out on our tour.....we joked that the tour would probably end in 5 minutes...because there is not much to see......but happily, it turned out to be a great day.
Dad showed us the house our Great Grandparents lived in with him, his brother, sister and parents. We saw the little duplexes where family and friends lived in close proximity, the bar that my grandparents owned, heard about the attempt to flood the basketball court one year in order to ice skate, saw the creek they would 'ride the rapids' in, the rock where they spit out licorice to kill caterpillars....it was awesome!
As we were leaving to drive to Alpha, home of my Nonnie's parents - we decided to stop in and visit my Uncle Nelson. He still lives in the same house my great grandparents lived in. At one time the tiny house had 10 people living in it!
It puts in perspective the agony I thought I was experiencing being in my own grandparents home with no air conditioning and only one bathroom.


I had not been in the house since I was a little girl. Most likely around the time that Nonnie Alpha died.....( i asked my Dad why we called her Nonnie Alpha......he said, duh, because she lived in Alpha)
I got chills when I walked in and saw the photo on the wall. Just how I remembered it! But I also remembered the photo above used to hang in the house too. I don't think I was delusional - Maybe someone can confirm if Nunu and Nonnie Tanfani's photo used to hang in the house too...?
Anyway.......it was so nice to spend the afternoon visiting and talking about family. Talking about how hard life was for these people that came from Italy and left so much behind.
Hearing my uncle remember his mother's voice and accent.....She arrived when she was 3 years old and spent her formative years in Mississippi.....he described her italian/english/southern drawl as something truly unique!

He teared up as he recalled my own Grandmother (his sister) and the sacrifices she made for her family.

Our visit left me feeling refreshed, revived and happy. I suppose I needed some of these ghosts to remind me of what family is.

Family can be demanding, challenging, make you want to scream......but in the end, always there for you.

Share the Air...................please!

You know things are bad when your own whining and complaining can irritate yourself.

I can barely stand to be in a room with myself right now.

Consider yourselves one of the lucky ones to not be physically in my proximity.

I am irritating myself with my bad attitude.

It seems that just about everyone around me is mad at me. (another story for another time)

It is so darn hot - I feel like I am back in Florida again - and as we all know - those were not good times. (I spent 3 years in a constant state of misery - all weather related)

I'm sure I can get over the bad attitude - I know the fact that I don't feel well is just making me irritable and my own drama and martyrdom is not improving anything.

I can get over it.

What I can't get over is the lack of AC.

This is precisely the reason that I hate, hate, hate coming to New Jersey for visits in warm weather.

For some unknown reason, my grandparents insist on not cooling the house down.

It is modern times for cripes sake!

Put in some window units!

Crank that cool air up!

(And it's not because they are cold old people. They complain about the heat too!)

This is a terrible thing to say - but, it's not like I don't say terrible things - so let's not be too shocked.

But, hello...........it's time to 'share the air'

My grandparents have a window unit in their bedroom.

But the gem is, that even though the upstairs is teeny tiny really........they close the bedroom door and hog the cool air at night!

Meanwhile, the guests get to cool their own body temperature down with body sweat and the wisp of air that may or may not decide to come in thru the open window.

Then you wonder why I have a bad attitude.

Last night I snuck into the bedroom to just feel cool air on my skin for a scant second.......then went to lay on the floor downstairs. (Are we shocked that I have a sore throat? Wet underwear on week, sleeping on the floor in the stifling heat the next)

I felt like a dog in summer that spreads out on the kitchen floor to cool off.

(yes, it worked)

I have begun counting down the days until I go home again.

It is 6 days.

6 days until I can blast my own central air all day and night and walk around in a sweater indoors.

6 days until I can blow dry my hair again and not need to shower afterward to cool down.

6 days until I can feel comfortable in my own skin again.

6 days until I can get a good nights sleep.

I live for the modern conveniences air conditioning brings.

I may head out on the street to see if I can find an HVAC dude to talk compressors to me......

Monthly Mis-haps.....

In the future, when you are planning on inviting me to a nice event......can you please consider the time of the month for me?

As you are aware, most things are about my own convenience.

I nearly flipped out yesterday. I tried on the dress I was planning on wearing to the wedding next week.

Last week, it was nearly there.....a few more "Project Ass Reduction" sessions and we were going to be good to go.

Nice.....the bloat has now nixed that idea.

I went into full on panic mode.

I went thru the closet and pulled out dress after dress.

To fancy, not fancy enough, to casual, possibly not working if it is cool, icky to wear if it is hot......

Aggh!

So I then decided to go out and try on some NEW dresses.

Never do this when you are hormonal and bloated.

I stood in a dressing room surrounded by mirrors in a state of full on depression.

Top that with the fact that I was not having a good hair day and no make up.

I convinced myself to NOT buy anything new. I have a closet full of clothes.....some with tags still on them.

I came home and after much debate....decided on one.

Then I did a trial run thru with hair and makeup and accessories. What a difference it makes when you run a comb thru your hair and put on some makeup!

I am bucking my own trend and going for the blue eyeshadow. Que horror horror!

But I am tired of being muted brown.....I think I am starting to be inspired by all the 40something fabulous looking people...they are bucking the beauty trend...so why not me? I can flippin wear blue eyeshadow if I want to.

Totally random interjection here - I don't watch that Showtime Toni Collette show - but she looks fabulous now! Don't you agree? Such a good example of how beauty can come with time...another female inspiration for me and my bad image issues.

anyway...

The dress is perfect because it will hide the bloat.

And I think still be appropriate for the event.

I am going with the cream in the center with the blue wrap - I just felt the red - which I love - is just to 'cocktail'

My only dilemma will be the mix of accessories - but lucky for me....I can torture my Mom and sister with those decisions on the day of. bwah ha ha!

My plan this week is to continue my green tea regimen and the cardio.

I'm pissed that I am not full on back in shape.

The full on PMS bloat in the full length mirror assault did not help - but I know that I have let stress and winter eating leave me in less than optimal strength and fitness.

So I have decided to add in some new elements to "PAR".

It also ties in well to my ultimate goal of my "Bollywood Musical" appearance.

I want to take some Indian Dance classes.

It looks like I can convince my friend Michelle to do it with me too.

Michelle is one of those friends that is game for anything, anywhere and anytime.

I have 83 "bollywood" songs on my ipod.

Isn't that a trip?

So truly - this is meant to be.

I mean really.......I will have no excuse to not tune in and start busting into my 'bollywood' moves no matter where I am!

My New Guru.....Kelly Cutrone

Ok, I know!

You are probably over the whole "obsession with Kelly Cutrone" thing.

But this is getting to be so awesome for me.

I totally embraced "the Cutrone" last week.

I went 'balls to the wall' and have never felt better.

I am still embracing my own nice energy......"my own calm strong quiet energy"

but when pushed, look out!

I bought Kelly's book on Sunday.

It was time to mix up the bedside reading...(which of late was a bit heavy)..and while I must admit....I am still just at the beginning....I am already inspired.

Kelly described her first and most successful PR event.

An art exhibit called "Love.Spit.Love" in 1991.

It essentially involved 3 couples (gay, straight, etc) having sex in the middle of this gallery with an American flag on the wall while love songs from the 50's thru 90's played in the background.

Whoa! I totally remembered this!

And why? Because the couples were on Phil Donohue!

I vividly recall 2 episodes of Phil from the 90's

this one of course!

and the one with the cast of Dead Poets Society.

(romantic poets, an all boys prep school and teen angst....what was there not to love about DPS?!?)

Both clearly had a profound impact on my life.

I can recall all the couples being naked on Phil's show! How shocking for 1991!

The one couple had a man with this beautiful long hair and the palest skin - and the woman was like the female equal......I remember being stunned by how beautiful they were.

Are you all seeing what I am seeing? Even back in 1991 Kelly was having an impact on me.

She must be my guru!

Kelly has a guru.

this is her.

I don't know that I will be able to be that into it.....It could be I am nearing cult like following of Kelly now.

Stay tuned.