Share the Air...................please!

You know things are bad when your own whining and complaining can irritate yourself.

I can barely stand to be in a room with myself right now.

Consider yourselves one of the lucky ones to not be physically in my proximity.

I am irritating myself with my bad attitude.

It seems that just about everyone around me is mad at me. (another story for another time)

It is so darn hot - I feel like I am back in Florida again - and as we all know - those were not good times. (I spent 3 years in a constant state of misery - all weather related)

I'm sure I can get over the bad attitude - I know the fact that I don't feel well is just making me irritable and my own drama and martyrdom is not improving anything.

I can get over it.

What I can't get over is the lack of AC.

This is precisely the reason that I hate, hate, hate coming to New Jersey for visits in warm weather.

For some unknown reason, my grandparents insist on not cooling the house down.

It is modern times for cripes sake!

Put in some window units!

Crank that cool air up!

(And it's not because they are cold old people. They complain about the heat too!)

This is a terrible thing to say - but, it's not like I don't say terrible things - so let's not be too shocked.

But, hello...........it's time to 'share the air'

My grandparents have a window unit in their bedroom.

But the gem is, that even though the upstairs is teeny tiny really........they close the bedroom door and hog the cool air at night!

Meanwhile, the guests get to cool their own body temperature down with body sweat and the wisp of air that may or may not decide to come in thru the open window.

Then you wonder why I have a bad attitude.

Last night I snuck into the bedroom to just feel cool air on my skin for a scant second.......then went to lay on the floor downstairs. (Are we shocked that I have a sore throat? Wet underwear on week, sleeping on the floor in the stifling heat the next)

I felt like a dog in summer that spreads out on the kitchen floor to cool off.

(yes, it worked)

I have begun counting down the days until I go home again.

It is 6 days.

6 days until I can blast my own central air all day and night and walk around in a sweater indoors.

6 days until I can blow dry my hair again and not need to shower afterward to cool down.

6 days until I can feel comfortable in my own skin again.

6 days until I can get a good nights sleep.

I live for the modern conveniences air conditioning brings.

I may head out on the street to see if I can find an HVAC dude to talk compressors to me......

Monthly Mis-haps.....

In the future, when you are planning on inviting me to a nice event......can you please consider the time of the month for me?

As you are aware, most things are about my own convenience.

I nearly flipped out yesterday. I tried on the dress I was planning on wearing to the wedding next week.

Last week, it was nearly there.....a few more "Project Ass Reduction" sessions and we were going to be good to go.

Nice.....the bloat has now nixed that idea.

I went into full on panic mode.

I went thru the closet and pulled out dress after dress.

To fancy, not fancy enough, to casual, possibly not working if it is cool, icky to wear if it is hot......

Aggh!

So I then decided to go out and try on some NEW dresses.

Never do this when you are hormonal and bloated.

I stood in a dressing room surrounded by mirrors in a state of full on depression.

Top that with the fact that I was not having a good hair day and no make up.

I convinced myself to NOT buy anything new. I have a closet full of clothes.....some with tags still on them.

I came home and after much debate....decided on one.

Then I did a trial run thru with hair and makeup and accessories. What a difference it makes when you run a comb thru your hair and put on some makeup!

I am bucking my own trend and going for the blue eyeshadow. Que horror horror!

But I am tired of being muted brown.....I think I am starting to be inspired by all the 40something fabulous looking people...they are bucking the beauty trend...so why not me? I can flippin wear blue eyeshadow if I want to.

Totally random interjection here - I don't watch that Showtime Toni Collette show - but she looks fabulous now! Don't you agree? Such a good example of how beauty can come with time...another female inspiration for me and my bad image issues.

anyway...

The dress is perfect because it will hide the bloat.

And I think still be appropriate for the event.

I am going with the cream in the center with the blue wrap - I just felt the red - which I love - is just to 'cocktail'

My only dilemma will be the mix of accessories - but lucky for me....I can torture my Mom and sister with those decisions on the day of. bwah ha ha!

My plan this week is to continue my green tea regimen and the cardio.

I'm pissed that I am not full on back in shape.

The full on PMS bloat in the full length mirror assault did not help - but I know that I have let stress and winter eating leave me in less than optimal strength and fitness.

So I have decided to add in some new elements to "PAR".

It also ties in well to my ultimate goal of my "Bollywood Musical" appearance.

I want to take some Indian Dance classes.

It looks like I can convince my friend Michelle to do it with me too.

Michelle is one of those friends that is game for anything, anywhere and anytime.

I have 83 "bollywood" songs on my ipod.

Isn't that a trip?

So truly - this is meant to be.

I mean really.......I will have no excuse to not tune in and start busting into my 'bollywood' moves no matter where I am!

My New Guru.....Kelly Cutrone

Ok, I know!

You are probably over the whole "obsession with Kelly Cutrone" thing.

But this is getting to be so awesome for me.

I totally embraced "the Cutrone" last week.

I went 'balls to the wall' and have never felt better.

I am still embracing my own nice energy......"my own calm strong quiet energy"

but when pushed, look out!

I bought Kelly's book on Sunday.

It was time to mix up the bedside reading...(which of late was a bit heavy)..and while I must admit....I am still just at the beginning....I am already inspired.

Kelly described her first and most successful PR event.

An art exhibit called "Love.Spit.Love" in 1991.

It essentially involved 3 couples (gay, straight, etc) having sex in the middle of this gallery with an American flag on the wall while love songs from the 50's thru 90's played in the background.

Whoa! I totally remembered this!

And why? Because the couples were on Phil Donohue!

I vividly recall 2 episodes of Phil from the 90's

this one of course!

and the one with the cast of Dead Poets Society.

(romantic poets, an all boys prep school and teen angst....what was there not to love about DPS?!?)

Both clearly had a profound impact on my life.

I can recall all the couples being naked on Phil's show! How shocking for 1991!

The one couple had a man with this beautiful long hair and the palest skin - and the woman was like the female equal......I remember being stunned by how beautiful they were.

Are you all seeing what I am seeing? Even back in 1991 Kelly was having an impact on me.

She must be my guru!

Kelly has a guru.

this is her.

I don't know that I will be able to be that into it.....It could be I am nearing cult like following of Kelly now.

Stay tuned.

Mom Made It Happen

I have a fondness for myself that perhaps borders on narcissiscm.

I can't help it. I like me.

Do I perhaps need therapy? Could I dig a bit deeper into the psyche to find out why I do what I do? Sure!

But at the end of the day, I am really happy with the person I am.

I only have a handful of people to thank for that....and Mom is one of them.

(that's me in there!------------------------------>)

I have a closeness to my Mom that I feel is very special - mainly because for the first few years of me - it was just the two of us.

And let's face it.....we were both kids. My mom 22 and me a newborn.

She spent her early 20's with a baby,toddler, and a preschooler......Dad was off in the Navy....gone for months at a time. We were on our own.

Because of this, I think Mom and I became each other's best friend.
Every early memory is of Mom.

She has even told the story of my birth so much....that I felt like I was a witness to the whole thing!

It is as if my own birth was my first memory......all thanks to the memories of my Mom.

I was an overdue baby.

I was also huge. 9lbs 8oz If memory serves.

Mom was scheduled to have a C-section because I didn't seem to be coming anytime soon

(i always do prefer to do things on my own timeline)

She had plans to visit my Dad's family for her favorite dinner, my Grandmother made a cheese and mushroom stuffed chicken breast that Mom loved.

Unfortunately, labor started and she had to miss dinner to go to the hospital.

She was pissed.

(isn't it nice that she let's me know all these years later that the very first thing I did....pissed her off)

In 1972, Mom was a bit naive.

When her water broke in the hospital, she was mortified.

1. she had no idea what just happened - she thought she peed herself

2. her own mother was an OB nurse in the hospital (maybe a little motherly advice about the birthing process was in order here Nan?)

3. on top of her mother being there, so was her aunt, and my dad's aunt - all OB nurses - and all there to witness the wonder of wonders that was to be my birth!

Mom was also pissed because my Dad was not there. He was on a ship in the middle of the Mediterranean. I can't imagine being alone, in pain and you just wet yourself in front of everyone.

The next bit of the story is hazy - I don't know why or how, but Mom does not really recall the birth.

And now, she says giving birth is no big deal....she doesn't even remember it hurting.

!?!?!?!??!??!?!??!?!??!

You just pushed out a 9lb+ baby and don't remember?

Maybe there was a benefit to having relatives in the hospital. Maybe they were able to give you a little something to take the edge off.

shhhhh...we won't say a word. But it now seems possible Nan and Aunt Tina were dealing to pregnant women.

When I was born, out I came and everyone exclaimed over what a beautiful baby I was.

I know this, because my cousin Sandra was a candy striper in the same hospital at the time - and still says I was the prettiest baby ever. (our family was running that hospital)

"It's a girl!" "isn't she beautiful?" "look at how pretty"

My mother's reaction?

"eeeewww......that's what you call beautiful? she's ugly"

So let's recap.

First, I get in trouble for making her miss her favorite dinner.

Second, I am ugly.

Lucky for me - with the gaggle of grandma's, nonna's and aunts around - they whisked me off to my first photo shoot, so overcome with my beauty.

I am not kidding - there are about 20 different versions of newborn baby photos taken of me.

In some I am naked (like this one), in some I have on a shirt, some are close ups, most have me looking pissed.

No doubt because my own Mother has just called me ugly and now they are photographing me like the paparazzi getting the reaction shot from some down and out washed up celebrity whose mother has just written a tell all.

(aren't flashes bad for baby eyes?)

All these years my Mom blamed my poor vision on reading under the covers with a flashlight....hhhmmm

I spent my childhood years pouring over the album of photos of that day and the days that followed, asking Mom questions and having her retell the stories.

• Looking at Mom in the hospital bed with me inside her!


• Looking with horror at the awful, ugly baby that came out.....horrified by the umbilical cord! gross!


• More relieved to see the photos with shirts.


• Looking at my Grandparents holding me - none of them with gray hair.


• Seeing my Great Grandparents holding me - my only real memories of one of them from photos.


• My uncles and aunts - some so young they were still in high school......


• And the best part of that album - the photos of mom holding me with the biggest smile....and me, finally looking not so ugly.

I love you Mom ~ thanks for making the best memories!

Love,

Netterboo

Who the hell is Justin Bieber?

This kid is flippin everywhere.
Yet I have no earthly idea who he is.
Just seeing his picture and wacky hair makes me not want to dig deeper.
I tried to read the wikipedia info - but found myself reading it like this........
"Justin Bieber is a blah blah blah blah singer. Blah blah blah You Tube blah....."
You get the point.
This kid looks like boring white bread.
His hair is annoying.....(i'm sorry - I can't get past the bad hairdo.)
He looks 12 and gets more press than anyone - but apparently really bad press, because normal people still don't know what he does or the who the hell he is.

I did appreciate the comments left by some of you:

• I got the impression he was the New Jesus
• Melissa is just pissed he met the President
• Carla - like myself has no clue......(and she has kids! so I was hoping a few modern moms would enlighten me!

At the end of the day - I did manage to get that he sings songs called "Baby" "One Time" "Love Me" "Favorite Girl"

If I do word association - it sounds like he is a male teeny bopper version of Britney Spears.

(i think i did just throw up a little in my mouth)

Who the hell is Justin Bieber? Who the hell cares.

New and Improved!

The extras are really what it's all about.

I have added some "extras" to the panel on the left.

<------------------ yeah, over there.

I have a fondness for lists.

I make lists all the time. For work, for home - you name it.....

I find them months later falling out of magazines, under the refrigerator, stuck in the re-usable grocery bag.

I love lists!

Even when I finish things on a list, I seem to keep them around for awhile.

The awesome thing about a blog - is that I can keep all kinds of lists.

So I have added some for your enjoyment - but mainly for my enjoyment.

It's my blog world - and the 3 of you that actually read this are in it.

I have tried since starting this blog in 2007 to keep a list of the books I keep on my bedside and then a list of books I finally finished.

I keep a list of blogs I like to read etc....

So, I was thinking how my sister always mocks me for saying things like ' oh my gosh, that is my favorite......'

So I have added a list of current favorites. I'll keep adding and deleting as I change my fickle little head.

I added a list of the people I want to be when I grow up.

I also added a list of things to do before I die. This is a serious list - and deserves more contemplation. But the first 'to do' is really a great one.

The makers of Slumdog Millionaire missed a great opportunity in not casting me in the "Jai Ho" finale. I'm just saying.....

Mean People That Rock

As a general rule, I think I am a nice person.

True, I may talk smack about some people - but in general I am nice.
I don't like to make people feel bad. I don't like to lower self esteem.....or take cheap shots.
I like everyone to feel equal, appreciated and respected.

The only time I lose it is if:

• I flat out don't like you - I can't even be fake about people that bother me or do stupid things.
• You have chosen to take advantage of my niceness....game over.

As a boss, I think I am really nice.
Perhaps too nice sometimes.
Maybe I need to toughen up a bit.

I was reflecting that my 2 new favorite people on reality TV are Jeff Lewis and Kelly Cutrone.
Why?
Because they are mean.


I howl with laughter at the bluntness, the rudeness, the take no prisoners attitude.
When I grow up, I want to be just like them.
Probably more Kelly Cutrone than Jeff.

The Fabulous Kelly Cutrone:

A. Kelly lives in Manhatten.

B. Kelly basically wears the same outfit everyday and nobody mocks her. Black on Black on Black (aka Versace on Gucci on Chanel) yet it all looks a hot mess and I think she never combs her hair. I can get into that modern day "mean persona" its like Cruella DeVille only different.

C. Kelly hires mainly interns which has to keep her overhead low and allows her to abuse the most amount of people for the cheapest amount of money. Genius! These people want to work for her and the verbal abuse that Kelly gets to inflict is just a bonus for her! Talk about keeping workplace tension in check! If I could do that - I would not have neck spasms and need to do evening yoga while listening to buddhist chants every night.

D. Kelly used her first husband to gain a name that would help her go places. If I had a first husband that was famous, I like to think I would have exploited him for his connections. Of course, because I am nice - that never would have happened. (by the way - I am totally speculating on this - this is my own theory Kelly!)

E. Kelly works in a job that allows her to still talk like a teenager. "I mean....." "like" I love that shit.

F. Kelly admits that working with gorgeous people is awesome - I love that she embraces the shallow.

I am like, totally willing to take a job as a PR intern for People's Revolution.....and I will not cry, and I can print labels.

Jeff Lewis - if you compare the two - they are fairly similar.

But there are some differences. The main reasons I want to be like Jeff are as follows.

A. Jeff is really clean. I wish I could be that neat and perfect - yes he has a staff of about 20 that run his household - but he pitches in!

B. Jeff hires mainly interns - see notes above - Kelly Cutrone C.

C. Jeff works in a job that allows him to talk like a teenager - see notes above Kelly Cutrone E.

D. Jeff admits that working with gorgeous people is awesome - see notes above Kelly Cutrone F.

Ok - so I have now figured out that I basically want to be just like Kelly only without the messy hair and wrinkled clothes - I think I am seeing the Jeff Lewis connection!

A Tragedy of Epic Proportions.....

Ok, not really.....but it felt that way last Wednesday.

My boys lost in game 7 to the team seeded 8th.

Um hello.....we were #1!

We had the highest offensive scoring, best penalty kill and best power play. But like someone said.....that don't mean s#%t in the playoffs.

I am trying to learn to control my hockey angst.

It is hard.

I am certainly not over it. I have begun to stick pins and needles into a stuffed Penguin.

Anything but the Penguins winning. Please.

So now that hockey has ended a bit prematurely - it is time to look forward the the other joys of Spring and Summer.

Allergies, spring cleaning and hot weather.

Indeed, that it the true tragedy here.

This year has been brutal with the pollen. And the fact that the temperatures have hit nearly 90 the last few days puts me in a foul mood. (it was almost like living in Florida again)

The two combined allow me to avoid the spring cleaning as I whine and complain about not feeling good and not having my boys to watch in the playoffs anymore.

Moving forward, no more excuses.

I need to lose a few pounds to fit my fat butt into a dress I need to wear in a few weeks.

I don't want to buy anything new - and this dress is new, I just never wore it and now my ass has expanded without my permission.

I have been doing 'yoga' light excercises - but know it is time to hit the cardio hard again.

Remember "Project Ass Reduction"?

me neither.

It is a bit vague now - but PAR works.

I must recommit.

Who's with me?

Nothing like posting progress photos - but I think I need to get to the progress photos that are not so humiliating. If I could get back to this.....we would have nothing to complain about.